Jim’s WebLetter for 12/12/09

Hi-ya neighbors and friends! It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that winter has already arrived in the US what with record sized snow storms up north and west and rainy cool weather in the south. Today it’s suppose to be rainy and cool all day here on the island. Glad we did our shopping online. It’s a lot easier to receive those packages from delivery at the door rather than trudging out to the store. I know that’s not great news for the brick and mortar stores unless they have an ecommerce website. Latest figures show that more people like me are taking to the Web for shopping. Times are changing. After all, if you can believe this … we are finishing up our first decade of the new millenium. And with it are new things happening in the tech world. That’s what I write about and what I have to show you in this week’s edition of JWL.

Ever heard the term, “monkey see, monkey do”? That’s the premise of the site Monkey See. Based on videos, the site is a how-to on just about every subject. If there’s something new you need to learn, find the best instructional videos for things like hanging Christmas lights or teaching a dog to walk on a leash. All you do is select the category you’re seeking instruction in. If that wasn’t easy enough, you can also check out their recommended section which breaks everything down by most often searched topics. If you think you have what it takes to make an instructional video, click on the ‘become an expert’ button to submit your own helpful video. http://www.monkeysee.com/

As you may surmise from the previous site, videos are what everyone wants to watch on the internet. Matter of fact, 2010 is going to be the year for the video. As if things weren’t big enough at YouTube, now every major broadcast firm is pushing their programming online and Web entities like Ustream and JustinTV which offer free places for people to set up their own video broadcast streams are growing bigger by the minute. Joining that are Facebook and Twitter users who capable of attaching videos to their free accounts.

This week, iPhone announced it’s finally onboard with live streaming with the help of Ustream Live Broadcaster making the phone a source for broadcasting live video. It is part of huge list of cellphones which can download and install QIK or Ustream software and, after signing up for a free account, provide “at-that-moment” streaming of video. This will result in what I believe will be a change in the way we see events as they happen. News agencies will adopt such methods to provide live coverage of the news worldwide. It’s certainly a far cry from the old “send a reporter into the field to report the news” method of reporting as everyone will become a reporter of events they are witnessing. http://www.techcrunch.com/2009/12/09/iphone-live-streaming-ustream/

As I reported last week, I have Windows 7 installed in my laptop and am loving it. Last week I talked about the Speech Recognition feature which allows me to tell the computer what to do as well as take dictation. This week, there is a Gadgets feature that allows me to install a clock, weather bug and more than a dozen other little helps on the screen with a link to download hundreds of other widgets to enhance the computer experience. My favorite of the week is the Gmail Gadget that alerts me when a new message comes in. W7 users, just right click on the desktop and select Gadgets.

<===HuMoR===>
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: “Hello”
WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?”
MAN: “Yes”
WOMAN: “I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?”
MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.”
WOMAN: “I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2009 models. I saw one I really liked.”
MAN: “How much?”
WOMAN: “$90,000″
MAN: “OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.”
WOMAN: “Great! Oh, and one more thing…the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $950,000″
MAN: “Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand if it’s really a pretty good price.”
WOMAN: “OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!”
MAN: “Bye! I love you, too.”
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.
He turns and asks: “Anyone know who this phone belongs to?”
(thanks, Rich)
+++++++++++++++++++++++
After being with her all evening, the man couldn’t take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.
When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, “I have some bad news. My grandfather just died and I have to leave.”
“Thank heaven!” his date replied. “If yours hadn’t, mine would have had to.”
(thanks, Tony)
+++++++++++++++++++++++
Joe was a single guy, living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sick father died, he decided he needed a wife with whom to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment seminar he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her beauty took his breath away.
“I may look like just an ordinary man,” he said to her, “but in just a few years, my father will pass, and I’ll inherit his large fortune.”
Impressed, the woman took his business card. Three months later, she became Joe’s stepmother.
Women are so much better at estate planning than men!!
(thanks, Joe)
+++++++++++++++++++++++
We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the special was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99. “Sounds good,” my wife said. “But I don’t want the eggs.”
“Then I’ll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you’re ordering a la carte,” the waitress warned her.
“You mean I’d have to pay for NOT taking the eggs?” my wife asked incredulously. “I’ll take the special.”
“How do you want your eggs?”
“Raw and in the shell,” my wife replied. She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.
(thanks, Bill)
=======================
That’s it this week. Have a great weekend and may God bless you and keep you safe as we count down the days to Christmas and the new decade.

c-ya!
Jim
Jim’s WebLetter
Discover the best of the Web
C-my-site at www.jimonline.com

Jim’s WebLetter for 12/5/09

Hi-ya webfriends!

Christmas gift shopping? CNET recently listed the Top 5 most purchased tech gifts going this year. These are the gifts being reported by people who are CNET.com viewers and who took the survey. Counting down from #5 … the HTC Droid Eris for Verizon. It’s the light weight version of the Droid cellphone that runs about $99 with a contract. It’s the one running on the Google Android system. At #4 … The Blackberry Storm 2 (also from Verizon). This one comes with wi-fi and according to sources, a better operation then the first Storm. At #3, the HTC Hero for Sprint (notice that the majority of gifts are cellphones?). #2 is Windows 7 the new operating system I have installed on my new laptop and am loving (more on that later), and the #1 gift on the CNET list … Motorola Droid for Verizon. I remember being the in Verizon store recently and the folks there were talking about how the new cellphone was practically flying off the shelves. They couldn’t keep it in stock. It comes with the Android 2.0 operating system and is an “all-in-one” package. A true rival to the iPhone which, as you noticed, wasn’t on the Top 5 list. http://cnettv.cnet.com/8301-13415_53-10406263-11.html?tag=mncol

The BBC reported this week findings that show kids who text and blog are more likely to be better writers then those who don’t. According to research as a result of a survey of 3,001 children aged nine to 16, the more forms of communication children use the stronger their core literary skills. That’s like saying the more you flex your muscles, the better they work. Hmmm, and they needed a study to prove that? http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/technology/8392653.stm

In what could possibly be another nail in the coffin for Internet Explorer, the Avast Anti-virus software now comes with the recommendation and a direct link for you download and use the internet browser Google Chrome. Personally, I like to use Chrome when watching videos because it seems to be more solid and bug-free while loading and playing videos online. Read more about it in the Download Blog … http://download.cnet.com/8301-2007_4-10409905-12.html

As I mentioned in the top gifts piece earlier, I have installed Windows 7 in my new laptop and love how it handles. There are SO MANY new features that it will take weeks to tell you about the best of them. And that’s what I will be doing over the next few weeks … telling you about them. This new system fixes a number of problems that Vista had, and carries a few tricks and shortcuts to operating the computer, including better Speech Recognition. That’s what I’m learning to use more and more. With S-R you are free from typing and mouse clicking. The system will literally do all your clicking, mouse moving and dictating commands for you. The feature comes with a set up and tutorial and how to train the system to understand your voice. Windows 7 users will find it by going to Start and Control Panel under “Ease of Access”, or in the little box at the bottom of Start, type in “speech”. Here’s a “how-to” video in YouTube which explains how to use the feature once you have set it up … http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NFKHAjHrc5A

Finally, and even though Vista and Windows 7 have a Text-to-Speech reader installed, it has it’s limitations. One is the voice just isn’t real natural sounding. But a program called Natural Reader does (well, it’s better anyway). The software can read, check what you’ve written and convert to MP3 what you highlight. Download the free version and see what you think … http://www.naturalreaders.com/

<===HuMoR===>
At the supermarket, I overheard two women talking in the next aisle. “Horace and I have been together ten years now and he makes me very happy,” one said. “So I don’t mind buying him what he likes even if it is more expensive.”
“Well, with my Benny I have no choice. He’s just plain fussy,” her friend replied.
I turned into their aisle. Both women were loading their shopping carts with high-quality cat food.
(thanks, Kathy)
+++++++++++++++++++++++
The highlight of our zoo trip was a peacock showing off its plumage. My four-year-old son was particularly taken with it. That evening, he couldn’t wait to tell his father: “Dad, guess what! I saw a Christmas tree come out of a chicken!”
(thanks, Carol)
+++++++++++++++++++++++
Carol was pregnant with her first child, and her husband was about to leave on a two-week business trip. When Carol went to her doctor appointment, she had some questions.
“My husband wants me to ask you something—” Carol began.
The doctor interrupted her. “I get asked that question all the time,” he said in a reassuring tone. “Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy.”
“No, that’s not it!” an embarrassed Carol confessed. “My husband wants to know if I can still mow the lawn.”
(thanks, Ann)
+++++++++++++++++++++++
The trials and tribulations of our sons, daughters, parents, and friends in the military.
In a lecture to a group of Korean officers, Lieut. Gen. Bruce C. Clarke, at that time deputy commander of the Eighth Army in Korea, took two or three minutes to tell his favorite joke. His interpreter then quickly translated the joke, using only seven or eight words. Everyone immediately burst into hearty laughter. After the lecture General Clarke asked the interpreter how he had been able to retell such a relatively long joke so quickly.
“Well, sir,” the Korean interpreter replied, “I didn’t think everyone would get the point, so I said, ‘The general has just told a joke. Everyone will please laugh.’”
(thanks, Robert)
=======================
And that’s this week’s JWL for the first weekend in December, 2009 (I somehow feel like the late great Walter Cronkite when I say it that way). Thanks for your time and attention, and thanks to Kathy, Carol, Ann and Robert for forwarding the jokes. If you have one you’d like to pass along, just email me.

Until next weekend, may God continue to bless you and keep you safe.

c-ya!
Jim
Jim’s WebLetter
Discover the best of the Web
C-my-site at www.jimonline.com

Jim’s WebLetter for 11/28/09

Jim’s WebLetter

Hi-ya JWL readers and friends! Black Friday shoppers, did you make it through the day and get home in one piece? My daughter-in-law takes shopping seriously … up and in the stores at 2 am and shopped until 7 am. Hon, that’s a little too serious for me. But then again, we’re doing all our shopping online this year and the specials all carry free shipping. Whether it’s Amazon.com or Target.com … purchased online and shipped free to the homestead. Now THAT’s what I call shopping!

Speaking of online, there are a host of things there for you to see and enjoy … and this week’s issue of the WebLetter will include a look at next year (video on smartphones), Sony’s push for new technology, an adventure quiz game for the “survivor” in all of us, a look back at what the Web has done for us, and a bit of humor at Christmas time. Enjoy!

Looking to the future, 2010 promises to be an interesting one for smartphone owners. With the new Droid being snapped up as one of the hotest sellers this Christmas, in addition to iPhones and other mult-purpose handheld devices comes the ability to watch videos at the touch of a button … and industry insiders are optimistic about the potential for smartphone sales in the coming year, especially since sales managed to grow in 2009 despite the economy. Reuters news agency reports that surfing the web, as well as texting, is becoming the most important thing about owning a Nokia, IPhone and Android device. http://www.reuters.com/article/technologyNews/idUSTRE5AJ06020091123

Also next year, Sony plans to launch a Web-based entertainment content service for Internet-connected TV sets and other devices that will include, “movies, music, books and other content”. This is a dramatic leap forward that moves everything away from DVD’s and other devices and streams it into your TV and smartphone. Sony plans to introduce 3D TVs next year and has announced their PlayStation 3 game consoles can become 3D-compatible by simply updating its software via the Internet. http://www.reuters.com/article/internetNews/idUSTRE5AJ13C20091120

The movie people are flocking to the theaters to see, 2012 has a game on it’s website that challenges you to think what you would do in an emergency situation. The quiz gives you three chances, called “lives” to make it through your trip from wherever you select to start in the world to reach the final safe haven, Tibet. It’s based on true-life events and gives correct answers to “what if” situations. Head to the website and click Game at the top of the menu list. http://www.whowillsurvive2012.com/

Want to see just what the advent of the Web has done to our world? Digital Revolution is the self described, “working title” of a four part series being created for the BBC which takes a look at how the last 20 years with the World Wide Web has changed life and the planet. It is being called an ‘open source’ documentary as the team behind it is blogging their progress and asking for feedback. There are key interviews, such as the Internet founder Tim Berners-Lee, which you can edit and republish. Check the terms and conditions for this on the site. http://www.bbc.co.uk/digitalrevolution/

This year, the folks at JibJab have taken making movies and funny videos to the next level. When you visit their site, you can “Elf Yourself” by uploading your head into a scene that has “wish you a Merry Christmas” written all over it. We have already spent time laughing all the way. They also have a free Movie Maker episode called “Snow Ball Fight” which is equally funny. Create the video then uplink it to Facebook or email it to a friend (or JWL writer!). I’d love to see your creation. Send it to my email address … jim@jimonline.com. http://sendables.jibjab.com/

<===HuMoR===>
A clergyman was walking down the street when he came upon a group of a few boys about 10 years of age, surrounding a dog. Concerned that the boys were hurting the animal, he went over and asked them what they were doing.
One of the boys replied, “This dog is an old neighborhood stray. We take him home with us sometimes, but since only one of us can take him home we’re having a contest: whichever one of us tells the biggest lie can take him home today.”
Of course, the Reverend was shocked. “You boys shouldn’t be having a contest telling lies!” he exclaimed. He then launched into a 10-minute sermon against lying, beginning, “Don’t you boys know it’s a sin to lie?” and ending with, “Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie.”
There was complete silence for about a minute while the boys all looked at each other and lowered their heads. Just as the Reverend began to think he had gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and handed him the leash. “Alright, reverend,” he said, “You win. You can take him home.”
(thanks, John)
+++++++++++++++++++++++
A lion woke up one morning feeling rowdy. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, “Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?”
The trembling monkey said, “You are, mighty lion!”
Later, the lion confronted a deer and bellowed, “Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?”
The terrified deer stammered, “Oh great lion, you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle!”
On a roll, the lion swaggered up to an elephant and roared, “Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?”
The elephant snatched up the lion with his trunk, slammed him against a tree, stomped on him and then ambled away.
The battered lion hollered after the elephant, “Sheesh, just because you don’t know the answer, you don’t have to get so upset.”
(thanks, Tony)
+++++++++++++++++++++++
Just before Thanksgiving, the holding pen was abuzz as Mother Turkey scolded her younger birds. “You turkeys are always into mischief,” she gobbled. “If your grandfather could see the things you do, he’d turn over in his gravy.”
(thanks, Joanna)
+++++++++++++++++++++++
Little 2 1/2-year-old Kelli went with a neighbor girl to church for First Communion practice. To demonstrate the process, the pastor has the children cup their hands, and when he gives them the “Host” (in this case, a piece of bread) he says: “God be with you.”
Apparently this made quite an impression on Kelli. She came home and told her mother to cup her hands and bend down. Kelli tore a piece of bread from her sandwich, placed it in her mother’s hands, and whispered, in her most angelic voice: “God will get you.”
(thanks, Henry)
=======================
That’s the collection of sites and jokes for this week, WebLetter readers. Thank you for your attention. Have a great rest of the week and until next weekend when we will begin the final month of the year, may God bless you and keep you safe.

c-ya!
Jim
Jim’s WebLetter
Discover the best of the Web
C-my-site at www.jimonline.com

Jim’s WebLetter for 11/20/09

Hi-ya friends and neighbors on the Net!

Did ya miss me? Last week I was having a “that was the week that was” kind of episode with health issues and a very busy schedule preventing me from writing to you. But that was then, and this is now … and do I have some things to show you this week in this edition of JWL.

Firefox browser users, I have installed a new application called the “YouTube Auto Buffer & Auto HD & Remove Ads” application. It may be a funny name for an application, but I love this app! It’s actually a two part install with the Greasemonkey application installation followed by the script that allows you to watch You Tube videos already set to HD (larger, clearer screens). It keeps those pesky ads from appearing on the video screen while the video is playing, and it loads the video up (aka buffering) and lets you click the button when you’re ready to watch it, instead of the video starting up as soon as the page loads. The link below sends you to the page with instructions and links for the download. Remember, this is for Firefox browsers only from Userscripts.org. http://userscripts.org/scripts/show/49366

As you might know, Google is still churning out new applications for internet users worldwide. Two new things to be watching for … the Google Operating System for PC computers, and next year … the Google Phone. Now, I know someone who is reading this is saying, “wait a minute, there was talk about a phone before and Google said it wasn’t making one”. Matter of fact, they have released the Android operating system for phones like the Droid which was released a couple of weeks ago. But word has gotten out that they are in the process of picking the hardware maker and it’s rumored to be either Toshiba or LG. The Google Operating System for PC’s (known as Chrome OS) will be run on computers like the popular Netbook that are big on memory but without hard drives. The trend, you see, is all about “cloud” computing. That is, connecting to the internet and doing everything online, which is why so many products Google has been turning out is about working online, like Gmail for email, watching videos on You Tube, and the new Wave for interactive projects with coworkers.

OK, so getting onto things that are more immediate, Black Friday, the common term for shopping the day after Thanksgiving, is coming up this week. ( I know! Thanksgiving already.) There is a website for Black Friday shoppers calling themselves the “official site for all of the 2009 Black Friday ads as they are reported to us during this holiday shopping season”. BlackFriday.info has a rather extensive listing of stores with deals for the beginning of holiday shopping. Categories include coupons, black friday ads and online shopping. This is a good bookmark … http://www.blackfriday.info/

Thanksgiving means we have reason to give thanks for the blessings we have. It also means we can give thanks for God’s blessings including the ability to taste good food. Want a place where you can find the real joy of baking? Try visitng JoyofBaking.com where you can find inviting pictures and recipes for such treats as pumpkin cheesecake, red velvet cake, gingerbread men, apple pie, and shortbread cookies. Now all you need to do is get busy! Remember that there are plenty of volunteers (many of them in your own family) who are willing to try a sample of your efforts and tell you how good it is … http://www.joyofbaking.com/

<===HuMoR===>
Beth Vorhees of Public TV fame said her daughter, Diana, a third-grader, was to give a demonstration speech at school. She planned to demonstrate how to make “Flies on a Log,” which consists of peanut butter spread on a stalk of celery with raisins on it.
The morning of her speech, Diana took out everything she needed and put it on the kitchen counter, ready to take it to school. Unfortunately, when the girl and her mother left for school, they forgot to take the items.
Diana’s mother dropped her off and went home to get the stuff.
The celery was gone. The raisins were gone. The peanut butter had been put away.
“Oh,” said Diana’s father. “I had that stuff for breakfast.”
Beth rushed to gather up more ingredients and hurry them to school, with an apology to the teacher and an explanation of what happened.
“Gee,” said Diana’s teacher, “that’s a first — ‘My dad ate my homework.’”
(thanks, Joanna)
+++++++++++++++++++++++
“This house,” said the real estate salesman, “has both its good points and its bad points. To show you I’m honest, I’m going to tell you about both.
The disadvantages are that there is a chemical plant one block south and a slaughterhouse a block north.”
“What are the advantages?” inquired the prospective buyer.
“The advantage is that you can always tell which way the wind is blowing.”
(thanks, Reggie)
+++++++++++++++++++++++
A few years back, I had my old 45 RPM records out to look through and my daughter asked what they were. I explained that back in the 1960s, before CDs were invented, this was how we listened to music. I further explained how all the bands issued singles on these “45s,” and radio stations would rate the top 40 songs every week.
She was quite impressed as I continued describing how one used a phonograph to play them. I burst out laughing when she asked — perfectly straight faced — “Daddy, how many megs of RAM does one of these hold?”
(thanks, Jay)
+++++++++++++++++++++++
The Vacation Bible School theme for the day was “God’s All-Star Champions,” so they had sports-related activities. To get in the sports spirit, and since Denver has several professional sports teams, the minister asked “What is the name of the place where the Colorado Avalanche play hockey?”
One of the children answered, “Pepsi Center.”
“And where do the Denver Broncos play?”
“Invesco Field at Mile High.”
“And where do the Colorado Rockies play?”
“Coors Field.”
“And finally, where do the Nuggets play?”
“McDonalds!”
(thanks, Janet)
=======================
As I mentioned earlier in this issue, it’s Thanksgiving and a time to give thanks. I want to thank each of you for reading the weekly WebLetter. And thanks for the jokes folks. Have a great week and a happy Thanksgiving and until next weekend, may God bless you and keep you safe.

c-ya!
Jim
Jim’s WebLetter
Discover the best of the Web
C-my-site at www.jimonline.com

Jim’s WebLetter for 11/7/09

Hi-ya Webfriends!

After checking the calendar, I realize I have been writing this weekly WebLetter for a long time now, more than 12 and a half years. I can remember when the Web began, the nay-sayers were proclaiming it would cause it’s users to become isolated and non-social. Since then, the internet has enabled us to enjoy cheap long distance calls and social hangouts like Facebook (now more than 325 million users strong), Twitter, Myspace, and a host of others. As a result, people are finding more ways to belong then ever before. A Pew study released recently shows that, even though our circle of friends might be smaller, it’s not because of the internet. Matter of fact, there is more diversity in our friend group with the internet and cellphone, than without them. “We identified Internet use, and especially using social networks, contributes to having more diverse social networks,” said Keith Hampton, lead researcher for the report and an assistant professor of communication at the University of Pennsylvania. The story from the NY Times gives more details … http://bits.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/11/05/does-technology-reduce-social-isolation/?ref=technology

Matt Rosoff, an analyst with Directions on Microsoft reported that record label EMI this week announced that it will begin selling on-the-spot recordings of concerts. In his story, he says what we all think … It’s a no-brainer way for live acts to earn some extra cash and great for fans as well. Imagine having a copy of the concert you just attended. I’d pay a little extra for that, wouldn’t you? http://news.cnet.com/8301-13526_3-10392724-27.html?tag=newsEditorsPicksArea.0

What is the future for Skype? The internet phone service, owned by Ebay, is being sold with the originators getting a piece of the action. As the BBC points out, “unlike traditional mobile calls, which are transmitted over a cellular network, Skype turns your voice into data and sends it over the internet. Since being acquired (by Ebay), the number of registered Skype users has risen to 405 million from 53 million, though free user-to-user calls still dominate the service.” The full story is here … http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/business/8347305.stm

I ran across a relatively new place called Deezer that provides an offering of music catalogues from some of the largest record labels and over a thousand independents for you to play on demand, and for free. The website and its artists make their money from advertising revenue and songs can be bought if you want to add them to your collection. See what you think … http://www.deezer.com/

I know I periodically bring up National Geographic as a site where I find interesting stories on subjects NG covers both by TV and the internet, but the newest look to the kid’s site is worth putting your youngin’s in front of as the content is laid out clearly and with bright colors. They can learn about people, places and animals through videos, photos, illustrations and text. There are fun educational games to be played, and projects and activities to be done away from the computer. http://kids.nationalgeographic.com/

As kids look for roll models, many look at celebrities. If only they learned less about debutantes and more about debt. The idea is not too far-fetched. The site Celebrity Calamity combines the two. It hosts an online game that engages players in money management. The game was created by Harvard’s financial manager in order to make fiscal responsibility fun. Users play the part of personal shoppers for free-spending celebrities. The objective is to obtain and use money to make demanding celebrities happy. http://www.celebritycalamity.com/

<===HuMoR===>
Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.
One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.
The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely.
After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, “I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!!!”
“IMPOSSIBLE!!” said the groom broom.
WE HAVEN’T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!”
(thanks, Taz)
+++++++++++++++++++++++
My wife and her friend Karen were talking about their labor-saving devices as they pulled into our driveway. Karen said, “I love my new garage-door opener.”
“I love mine too,” my wife replied, and honked the horn three times. That was the signal for me to come out and open the garage.
(thanks, Matt)
+++++++++++++++++++++++
While prosecuting a robbery case, I conducted an interview with the arresting officer. My first question: “Did you see the defendant at the scene?”
“Yes, from a block away,” the officer answered.
“Was the area well lit?”
“No. It was pretty dark.”
“Then how could you identify the defendant?” I asked, concerned.
Looking at me as if I were nuts, he answered, “I’d recognize my cousin anywhere.”
(thanks, Joanna)
+++++++++++++++++++++++
We should have a way of telling people they have bad breath without hurting their feelings: “Well, I’m bored. Let’s go brush our teeth.” Or, “I’ve got to make a phone call. Hold this gum in your mouth until I get back.”
(thanks, Brad)
=======================
OK, so enjoy the sites and if you come across jokes worth spreading, send them along and I’ll post them and give you the credit (or the blame, as the case may be). Until next weekend, may God bless you and keep you safe.

c-ya!
Jim
Jim’s WebLetter
Discover the best of the Web
C-my-site at www.jimonline.com

Jim’s WebLetter for 10/31/09

Jim’s WebLetter

Hi-ya neighbors and friends!

This week, Blackberry released an update for their Storm phones. BlackBerry Storm – MR3 (5.0) Software Release has improved the performance of my Storm in so many ways, I have decided to hang on to the phone. Among the many improvements, faster response to clicks, and special effects commonly found in Apple iPhones. I did have to reinstall a few of my applications including Facebook, but when I did, FB integrated into the system to the point that, when I make calls to people in my Facebook group, their account picture shows on my phone while I talk to them. And that’s just one of the improved features on my Blackberry Facebook. Overall, there is greater intuitiveness with my phone. When I reinstalled my Google apps, Sync the program that links the Calendar, jumped into play and instantly updated my phone. And that Blackberry calendar is equally improved with slicker features. Overall, I have to say timing on the update was perfect. The new Storm 2 is due to be released in a few days with Wi-Fi and smoother applications, but I’m happy with this improved smartphone.

Some weeks Google has so many things going on, I could write a book. Take for instance a new layer that has been added to their Map system for real estate. When you bring up a map location, click the “More” button at the top of a map (near the satellite imagery or terrain maps buttons) and select real estate. Immediately, the available listings become visible on the map. Click any red “pin” and you’ll see the address, get driving directions, etc. Click the “more info” link to see all the information about the property. http://www.google.com/maps

Also this week, Google Voice now offers a lighter version of it’s call system for people who are willing to trade some features for the ability to use their existing numbers. If, like me, you already have a Google Voice account, you can add Google voicemail to any mobile phone you’ve linked to your account. Not yet using Google Voice? You can request an invite … it is totally worth a try. http://www.google.com/googlevoice/about.html

Have you ever booked a flight only to have the ticket price go down days after you purchased? Bing’s Travel site is like any other useful fare comparison site, but what’s different is they have a “Price Predictor”. This tool estimates by percentage if they think the ticket will be going up down, or if you’re going to get the better deal now. After you decide to purchase, it takes you directly to the ticket vendor so there is no extra fee. http://www.bing.com/travel

Last week I reported about YouTube streaming the U2 concert as they appeared in the Rose Bowl in Pasadena, California. That broadcast netted 10 million streams. The replay that features good quality sound as well as video is available on the U2 Channel. http://www.youtube.com/user/U2official?feature=chclk

<===HuMoR===>
A letter I received from my son stationed in Baghdad:
Mom,
Yesterday I was part of a security detail for Kid Rock, Kellie Pickler, and comedian Lewis Black. This morning, I had breakfast with the Miami Dolphins Cheerleaders. War is hell.
Johnny
(thanks, Donna … we all support our troops, it’s just funny when one of them writes home with something like this.)
+++++++++++++++++++++++
A three-year-old had been told several times to get ready for bed. The last time his mom told him, she was every insistent. His response was, “Yes, Sir!” Since he was talking to his mother, it was not expected of him to call her “Sir”.
“You would say, ‘Yes Sir,’ to a man, I am a lady, and you would say ‘Yes Ma’am,’ to a lady,” Mom said.
To quiz him on his lesson, she then asked him, “What would you say to Daddy?”
“Yes Sir!” was the reply
“Then what would you say to Mama?”
“Yes, Ma’am!” he proudly answered.
“Good boy! Now what would you say to Grandma?”
He lit up and said, “Can I have a cookie?”
(thanks, Leslie)
+++++++++++++++++++++++
I was the nurse caring for a couple’s newborn first child, a son, after his cesarean birth. Since the mother was still asleep under general anesthesia, we took our tiny charge directly to the newborn nursery to introduce him to his daddy.
While cuddling his son for the first time, he noticed the baby’s ears conspicuously standing out from his head. He expressed his concern that some kids might call his son names like “Dumbo.”
The pediatrician reassured the new dad that his son was healthy and the ears could be easily corrected during childhood. The father still worried about his wife’s reaction to those large protruding ears. “She doesn’t take things as easily as I do,” he worried.
By this time, the new mother was ready to meet her precious son. I placed the tiny bundle in his mother’s arms and eased the blanket back so that she could gaze upon her child for the first time.
She took one look at her baby’s face and looked to her husband and gasped, “Oh, Honey! Look! He has your ears!”
(thanks, Tony)
+++++++++++++++++++++++
When hiring new staff at the public library, the head librarian always asks applicants what sort of supervision they’d be most comfortable with.
One guy answered, “I’ve always thought Superman’s X-ray vision would be cool.”
(thanks, Joanna)
=======================
That’s this week’s assortment of sites to see and jokes to share. Thanks for your time, and until next weekend, may God bless you and keep you safe.

c-ya!
Jim
Jim’s WebLetter
Discover the best of the Web
C-my-site at www.jimonline.com

jokes

Jim’s WebLetter for 10/24/09

Hi-ya Webfriends!

It’s Saturday and for me, it represents the “day after” as I had surgery yesterday to remove a skin cancer, the result of excessive exposure to the sun. This is my tenth surgery since we began discovering these lesions (most of which are carcinomas http://www.skincancer.org/Basal-Cell-Carcinoma/) coming up on my face, arms, and back. Once you have had surgery, you begin to look around at others who are regularly exposing themselves to the same rigor you once did and realize their fate may well result in the same. Last year, Forbes magazine did a study on the subject and noted that much of what we think in our culture as well as our family history has a lot to do with how we end up with skin cancer. Whether you’re like me, who’s background is from European bloodlines with fair-skin and light color hair or you’re one of those living in the world’s “skin cancer hot spots”, chances are you or someone you know will grow one or more variances of the disease. The end result is the same. The surgeries are no fun. They are time consuming, costly (thank goodness for insurance), and result in cutting, sewing and cauterizing the skin (I’m still trying to decide what I hate the most, sewing or the smell of my flesh burning). The alternative is, left untreated it will eventually cause severe skin disease and in many cases, death. The Forbes story reminds the reader to be smart about sun explosure and links to providing tips for protection.

I’ll be fine in a few days when I get the stitches out and mobility returns to the area of my surgery (this one was on my neck). But it again reminds me to be on the lookout for anything that may show in the future and to get it checked out as soon as I find it. Early prevention is the key.
http://www.forbes.com/2008/07/28/skin-cancer-hotspots-forbeslife-cx_avd_0728health.html

Turning to the World Wide Web, there are several things going on this week as Windows 7 is released and U2 is preparing to be televised on YouTube. This and other Web related things are featured in this week’s edition of JWL.

I’m waiting on my copy of Windows 7 as I have placed my order. Everything I am reading and viewing says that this is a positive upgrade from Vista and will likely be the operating system of choice among PC owners. Of course, W7 will also run on MAC, but Snow Leopard is the new system upgrade for the MAC, so I will imagine that Apple users will want to stick with their specific operating system. Meanwhile, a safer, more secure system with fewer bugs and a better task bar management system speaks volumes to me. http://www.microsoft.com/windows/windows-7/

Also, Sunday night 8:30 Pacific – 11:30 Eastern Irish rockers U2 will be doing a first, while in concert at the Rose Bowl, their performance will be shown live on YouTube. Their stage, dubbed “the claw” has to be one of the most incredible used. A visit to YouTube will give details of the concert and a quick search will show a listing of concert footage that’s been uploaded. The concerts in Wembley Stadium are probably some of the best. http://www.youtube.com

Also new this week, Facebook has added Live Feed as an option on the left side menu. Just click through to see what’s happening right now. As long as you remain logged into Facebook, you’ll continue to see posts and activity from your friends in real-time. You can edit what appears in this view by clicking “Edit Options” at the bottom of the home page. http;//www.facebook.com

Like to play with words? Visuwords is a fun thesaurus in visual graphs that is actually a dictionary as well as thesaurus. All you have to do is type in a word and it automatically thinks of meanings, alternatives and other ways you can find to creatively use words. If you can’t think of anything but you want to see this site in action then just click on the random button. And if you use Firefox, you can include Visuwords as a search tool. http://www.visuwords.com/

<===HuMoR===>
Office Dictionary
Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing who’s to blame for a missed deadline or a failed project.
Chainsaw Consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.
Cube Farm: An office filled with cubicles.
Prairie Dogging: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on.
Ohno Second: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you’ve just made a huge mistake.
SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Kids, Oppressive Mortgage.
00Stress Puppy: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
Treeware: Printed documentation or paperwork.
Xerox Subsidy: Free photocopies from one’s workplace.
(thanks, Brandy)
+++++++++++++++++++++++
A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he’ll give him a free beer for an amazing trick. The bartender agrees. The guy pulls out a hamster that begins dancing and singing.
“That is amazing!” says the bartender and gives him a beer.
“If I show you something else, will you give me another beer?” The bartender agrees.
The guy pulls out a small piano and a frog. The same hamster plays the piano while the frog dances and sings.
The bartender, completely wowed, gives him another beer.
A man in a suit, who’s been watching the entire time, offers to buy the frog for a large sum, and the man agrees.
“Are you nuts?” asks the bartender. “You could’ve made a fortune off that frog.”
“Can you keep a secret?” asks the man. “The hamster’s a ventriloquist.”
(thanks, CJ)
+++++++++++++++++++++++
In “Fellowship of the Rings,” what did Sauron say to Frodo?
“You’re a hard hobbit to break!”
(thanks, Reggie)
+++++++++++++++++++++++
I took a real estate client to a “handyman special.” The place was great, and we couldn’t understand why it was so cheap, until we turned on the water main and water gushed from the ceiling. Dripping wet, my client put a positive spin on the showing: “Nice house,” he said. “It’s even self-cleaning.”
(thanks, Joanna)
=======================
That’s it for this week, friends and neighbors. Time to get ready for Upward Basketball at our Family Life Center. Live broadcast online begins at 8 this morning and you can watch from either www.FBFirst.net or www.ICanSee.TV. It’s fun watching the kids play B-ball.

Until next weekend, may God bless you and keep you safe.

c-ya!
Jim
Jim’s WebLetter
Discover the best of the Web
C-my-site at www.jimonline.com

Jim’s WebLetter for 10/17/09

Hi-ya friends and netneighbors!

Well, it’s a special Saturday morning here on the island as my son and his wife are getting married. Now before you do a double take, yes, they’re already married, but this is more of a formal, in front of all the family and friends – kind of wedding on the beach with reception to follow. Looks like they picked a perfect day for it as temperatures have dropped and by ceremony time should be in the mid 70’s.

Other things happening include the 13th Annual Car Show in downtown Fernandina with some really cool rides, sponsored by Amelia Cruisers. We’re gonna try to do the latter before the former to make it a full day. So before everyone gets up and gets motivated, I’m writing this to show you a few of the things I came across while working on the Web this week.

How safe are the Facebook applications you use? Many of you JWL readers are also Facebook page owners and like to take advantage of the applications that FB offers, in particular, you like to play games and take quizzes. It’s those apps, the ones who get you to include a lot of personal information, that can and do include viruses that farm your information and send it to the hacker. Best advice? Don’t do it. Facebook is a great way to keep up with friends, but it can also be a great way for hackers to steal your info and the info of your friends.
http://www.nytimes.com/external/readwriteweb/2009/10/16/16readwriteweb-how-safe-are-facebook-applications-57362.html

As I reported some months ago, mobility is reaching the television to smartphone market as TV stations are ramping up to begin broadcasting to cellphones. It comes with a fee, of course, but the idea of having your favorite TV stations with you anywhere you go is a pretty cool one. Now the next question is, can you stand to watch it on a tiny screen? http://bits.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/10/16/tv-stations-start-broadcasting-to-mobile-gadgets/?ref=technology

In this economy, it pays to price compare. Look for tips on good deals, where to find a price break, and when the good deals are available on a blog which has been compiled for us by Time magazine who has partnered with CNN. On the Cheapskate Blog, you will find good deals as discovered by folks who get paid to look and report. For instance, today I see that with a coupon code supplied, you can get $10 off a $50 or more purchase at Sears.com. See what other deals you can find … http://cheapskate.blogs.time.com/

Take a look at a picture (found on the link below) and your first reaction might be someone’s version of a suped-up tricycle. In reality, it’s Google’s way of getting imaging for it’s ever-changing Maps, Street View and Earth programs. Taking it off road … hey look. it’s Google on a trike! http://www.techcrunch.com/2009/10/16/no-thats-not-the-ice-cream-man-its-the-google-trike-taking-street-view-off-road/

<===HuMoR===>
A man returned from vacation feeling very ill. He went to see his doctor, and the doctor has him immediately rushed to the hospital for a range of tests. The man woke up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bedside was ringing. “This is your doctor,” said the voice on the other end. “We’ve reviewed the results of your tests and we’ve found you have a very nasty virus, which is extremely contagious.”
“Oh my gosh! What are you going to do, doctor?”
“We’re going to put you on a diet of pizza, pancakes and pita bread.”
“Will that cure me?”
“No, but it’s the only food we can slide under the door.”
(thanks, Terry)
+++++++++++++++++++++++
“Do you sing?”
“Of course I do.”
“What kind of music?”
“Aquapella.”
“Don’t you mean ‘a cappella’, singing without accompaniment?”
“Nope. I mean ‘aquapella,’ singing accompanied only by the water coming out of the shower head.”
(thanks, Patty)
+++++++++++++++++++++++
My husband is a car nut. That’s why I could appreciate the card he gave me on our fifth wedding anniversary.
It read “The last 72,000 miles of my life have been the best ever!”
(thanks, Cynthia … did that include oil and filter change?)
+++++++++++++++++++++++
Few people outside the military know what a Navy Quartermaster does (several duties include the watch-to-watch navigation and the maintenance of nautical charts and navigational instruments as well as duties that used to be part of the Signalman rating: visual communications).
So during my aircraft carrier’s Family Day, I demonstrated a procedure called semaphore. I grabbed my flags and signaled an imaginary boat. When finished, I pointed to a little girl in front and asked, “Now do you know what I do?”
“Yes,” she answered. “You’re a cheerleader.”
(thanks, Kathy)
=======================
That’s about the size of it this week, JWL readers. Have a great weekend and, may God bless you and keep you safe.

c-ya!
Jim
Jim’s WebLetter
Discover the best of the Web
C-my-site at www.jimonline.com

Jim’s WebLetter for 10/10/09

Jim’s WebLetter

Hi-ya friends!

This is a brief Webletter this week as I frankly have too many things
going on to be able to tell you everything I found over the past few
days. Of the many things going on around the Web, the sound of
Windows 7 ramping up is getting louder. On his blog, Personal
Technology, Walt Mossberg, Wall Street Journalist talks about and
shows you by video, of his testing over a 10 month period with a
number of different computers. His result as he put it, Windows 7 “is
a success” over Windows’ previous operating system, Vista.

http://ptech.allthingsd.com/20091007/a-windows-to-help-you-forget/

Among the improved features with W7 is security and networking. Does
this mean we won’t need an antivirus program, no. But it does mean
our information is more protected. That’s good news. When you visit
the Windows 7 website, you’re greeted with “Waiting is the hardest
part” because it’s not due to be released in it’s full glory until
October 22nd.
Once on the site, there is a link to help you find a PC that works for
you and works with W7. It contains a walk-through to give you all the
information you need to ensure you can move from your current system
into the new one.

http://windows.microsoft.com/en-US/windows7/products/home?os=nonwin7

Next, Yahoo has been doing some interesting work lately with combining
the internet and televison to become the next thing after cable
broadcasting. Indeed, at Yahoo’s Open Hack Day 2009 in New York City,
the conversation was a collection of tweeting what you watch while
clicking on and bringing up a video or live event being shown on the
internet, connected to your TV. You can even imagine it all being
controlled by your cellphone as the remote control. Here’s the story
from Andrew Nusca & Jennifer Bergen on ZDNet.

http://blogs.zdnet.com/gadgetreviews/?p=8232

Here’s a TV with loads of things for parents of active children.
Activity TV has fun activities for kids with free video instructions
and printables. Crafts, Magic, Puppets, Music, Dance, and an
interesting page called Kidz Bop with on-demand music hits sung by
kids for kids. http://www.activitytv.com/reviews.aspx?actID=77

<===HuMoR===>
Every morning, one of the secretaries in our office opens the
newspaper and reads everyone’s horoscope aloud.
“Gwen,” said our boss finally, “you seem to be a normal, level headed
person. Do you really believe in astrology?”
“Of course not. You know how skeptical we Capricorns are.”
(thanks, Cal)
+++++++++++++++++++++++
When Dad’s satellite dish conked out, I found him on the phone with
the help desk. The TV set was pulled away from the wall, and he was
staring at the mass of tangled wires spilling out the back of it. He
looked absolutely overwhelmed.
“Tell you what I’m going to do,” Dad said to the technician. “I’m
going to hang up now, go to college for a couple of years, and then
call you back.”
(thanks, Joe)
+++++++++++++++++++++++
A six year old goes to the hospital with her grandmother to visit her Grandpa.
When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her Grandma and
bursts into her Grandpa’s room…
“Grandpa, Grandpa,” she says excitedly, “As soon as Grandma comes into
the room, make a noise like a frog!”
“What?” said her Grandpa.
“Make a noise like a frog – because Grandma said that as soon as you
croak, we’re all going to Disneyland”
(thanks, Rich)
+++++++++++++++++++++++
Since I was a new patient, I had to fill out an information form for
the doctor’s files. The nurse reading it over noticed my unusual name.
“How do you pronounce it?” she asked.
“Na-le-Y-ko,” I said, proud of my Ukrainian heritage.
“That sounds real nice,” she said, smiling.
“Yes, it is melodious,” I agreed.
“So,” she asked sweetly, “what part of Melodia is your family from?”
(thanks, Jeff)
=======================
And that’s the latest from my computer collective, Webfolks. Have a
great weekend and until next, may God bless you and keep you safe.

c-ya!
Jim
Jim’s WebLetter
Discover the best of the Web
C-my-site at www.jimonline.com

Jim’s WebLetter for 10/3/09

Hi-ya Webfriends! I hope everything’s going OK for you this week. Now it’s the weekend and time to take a few minutes and enjoy the wonders of the Web. Here are some of the weekly scans I came across.

Last night, I watched the final in the series on PBS about our nation’s national parks. Produced by award winner Ken Burns, it was an hour of reflection as I remember as a boy, visiting Yellow Stone. This incredible series packed with fabulous footage and narrated by some of the great Hollywood and motion picture stars is available on the PBS website. http://video.pbs.org/program/1072181584/

After watching the animated movies in 3-D at the theatre this year, watching television even in HD, seems to pale in comparison. Now, a report on BBC shows that Sony is behind the push for 3-D TV by the end of next year. Of course, not everyone will be in favor of the 3-D effect all the time, but the article does make for interesting reading. http://news.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/hi/technology/newsid_10000000/newsid_10001300/10001366.stm

A couple of weeks ago, I reported on Augmented Reality and what I believed is it’s future. This week, a story by John Biggs in TechCrunch entitled, “Avatar Toys Go Augmented Reality, Courtesy Of Mattel And Total Immersion” demonstrates how AR is coming to the toy store near you in the form of Avatar toys. http://www.crunchgear.com/2009/10/02/avatar-augmented-reality-toys-courtesy-of-mattel-and-total-immersion/

Meanwhile, Wikitude is an Augmented Reality application for Google Android. Augmented Reality in this case, takes virtual data, places it on your phone, and allows you to interact with it using your compass, camera, and GPS. The end result is the ability to see virtual items and information in the real world. Well, now Wikitude has made its debut on the iPhone. The free app is now available in the iTunes store … http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewSoftware?id=329731243&mt=8

If you’re noticing your PC is running slower, it could be a need for updated drivers. Driver Agent automatically scans your computer and recommends and will install drivers that need updating. It’s a one-time thing unless you pay for a year’s worth of unlimited downloads. http://www.driveragent.com/index_b.php?mvt=b&promo=a

What is it about “One Hit Wonders” that make them so catchy? Most musicians rarely make it to the big time at all, and those that do are usually able to make careers out of it (or at least long enough to reach that elusive #2 hit). But One Hit Wonders are different. They shine brightly for a single moment of time, then burn out into oblivion. But if they’re lucky, their songs remain for eternity. Here’s a site that lists the artists and their song along with the year it was a hit.
http://www.onehitwondercentral.com/

<===HuMoR===>
OK, you may have heard this one before ….
A man runs into the vet’s office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments, tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.
The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog’s body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, poking and sniffing the dog’s body and finally looks at the vet and meows.
The vet looks at the man and says, “I’m sorry, but the cat thinks that you’re dog is dead, too.” The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. So the vet brings in a black Labrador retriever. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, “I’m sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too.”
The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, “$650.”
“$650 to tell me my dog is dead?” exclaims the man.
“Well,” the vet replies, “I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests.
(thanks, Fred)
+++++++++++++++++++++
A driver pulled up beside a rundown farmhouse. He got out and knocked at the door. A very old woman answered the door, and he asked her for directions to Des Moines.
“Don’t know,” the woman said.
He got back in his car and pulled away. Then he heard voices. He looked in his rear view mirror and saw the woman and an equally old man waving for him to come back. So he made a U-turn and drove up to them.
“This is my husband,” the old woman said. “He doesn’t know how to get to Des Moines either.”
(thanks, Mary)
+++++++++++++++++++++
Why Dogs Can’t Use Computers
1. He’s distracted by cats chasing his mouse.
2. SIT and STAY were hard enough; CUT and PASTE are out of the question.
3. Saliva-coated floppy disks refuse to work.
4. Three words: carpal paw syndrome.
5. Involuntary tail wagging is a dead give-away that he’s browsing www.purina.com instead of working.
6. The fire hydrant icon is simply too frustrating.
7. He can’t help attacking the screen when he hears “You’ve Got Mail”.
8. It’s too messy to “mark” every Web site he visits.
9. The FETCH command isn’t available on all platforms.
10. He can’t stick his head out of Windows.
(thanks, Frank)
====================
Short and sweet, that’s it for this weekend, WebLetter readers. I’m shooting the Upward Basketball games this morning. You can watch the kids play online at FBFirst.net.
Til next weekend, may God continue to bless you and keep you safe.

c-ya!
Jim
Jim’s WebLetter
Discover the best of the Web
C-my-site at www.jimonline.com